Since May, being on the water has been my saving grace. I think everyone has found something to attach their sanity to during this roller coaster of a year. Being outdoors, in the trails or on the water, has been a serene escape from the global chaos. Most days, I find myself pretending that none of this is happening. I take a step outside, accompanied with a deep breath, and I try to focus on the constants that exist in my own bubble.
One good thing that has come out of this fall is that we’ve been able to stay on the water for much longer than we normally would have. All of a sudden paddling in <5 degrees doesn’t sound so bad. In a normal year, we might try to push our on-water season into the first week of November but not much beyond that. Usually, our permits for swimming pools and gyms begin and we hang up our paddles for the year. Since permits aren’t possible, nor is the option of a warm weather paddling camp, I find myself in the bay much later in the year than I’d ever imagine.
Chilling north winds and frost bitey water aside, the best part about paddling in November are the sunsets. I don’t remember ever paddling past daylight savings time, but turning the clocks back in the fall takes away not only our daylight, but sometimes our productivity and motivation. It takes a lot of willpower to paddle in the cold, wet, and dark conditions BUT by doing so this month, we have been rewarded with some of the most spectacular views I have ever seen paddling. The sunsets we have been treated with this month while training are the type that stop you dead in your tracks (a distraction that is actually not ideal for training 😉).
I take a moment to stop in my boat, between the two bays at Ashbridges. I look beyond my boat to see the Toronto City skyline surrounded by vibrant swirls of orange, red, pink, and yellow. The scattered clouds that are illuminated by the setting sun account for the jaw-dropping characteristic of this view. Fully immersed by the sky and its reflection on the water surrounding me, I can’t help but be grateful for moments like these (even if by this point, I can’t feel my limbs anymore).
While the challenges of winter paddling conditions are real, I am reminded every day that us paddlers have it pretty good. November sunsets were just one small pleasantry to this month's training. What matters more to me is the mental resilience I developed while training through challenging conditions (weather conditions and societal conditions). I learned that wearing the right gear on the water can extend your paddling season by several weeks. Not once was it too cold to paddle this month, you just have to dress for it! Some days I would catch myself just absolutely dreading paddling in the cold as I drove to practice. I always raise a red flag when I hear my thoughts saying "I don't want to do this" to dive deeper into why that is. A simple fix was changing my attitude from "I have to paddle" to "I GET to paddle". Even when I was dreading paddling beforehand, there was not one on water session that I didn't enjoy this month - and that's what matters most to me. You can't change the conditions, but you can change your attitude.
It feels as though everything is now in reference to COVID. Dates and events are described as pre- or post-pandemic, first or second wave. November is the 8th month that we have been living in this new reality of restrictions, distancing, isolation, and virtual interactions. We have all had ups and downs and some tastes of normalcy. But the toll on our mental health is real and by now I think a lot of us are feeling pretty tired and defeated. Next week, Toronto is entering another lock down to combat the second wave. Something I very clearly remember being warned about in the spring and not believing it would ever come true.
For the past several months my mantra has been “one week at a time”. I am a Type A personality who copes with planning and organizing every detail of my life. My anxiety raised to new levels while trying to navigate all of this uncertainty. My mantra of “one week at a time” encouraged me to put my energy into making the most out of the week ahead and not into worrying about the unpredictable weeks beyond. However, this month has felt particularly challenging. It feels as though everyday there are new rules and changing restrictions. Because of this, I have adjusted my mantra to “one day at a time”. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, I ask "What are we doing tomorrow? We get to train tomorrow, and that's all that matters for now."
As corny as it may sound, there is nothing we can do but live in the present moment, be grateful for what we have, and ride this out together. This has been a long haul, and we aren’t through it yet. Either way we will make it out on the other end, so it is up to us to determine what mental state we want to be in during this haul. Personally, I am going to reflect on what got me through the first few months of the pandemic and what I would have done differently. With that reflection, I will use what resiliency I have left to hold my head up and encourage you to do the same.
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